Lost in the big city.
Diner Cook: Looks like you just lost your best friend.
Fred: (despondent) All of them. I never thought...
Diner Cook: Yeah, well, that's life in the big city
- Shiny happy People 4.18
The city is for sinners
The filth and lies and neon lights.
Momma and daddy always said when she was little “Don’t you get involved with city folk Fred, cause their nothing but trouble.” They went to Dallas on a family trip, she could still remember even though she was only 7. She had looked in a candy store window and pressed her nose against the glass and tried to smell the chocolate through the glass. She had wondered then how it could be so wrong. She couldn’t help but look at the homeless man near their hotel. Momma had whispered it wasn’t proper to stare. She looked him in the eye one last time and against her will she took in his scent, of beer and dirt and cheap Chinese food. Now she understood why the city was bad.
Now she was all grown up and momma and daddy shook their heads and said “Fred’s a big girl now, she can handle herself in the big city” but she saw through it, she knew they were trying their hardest to believe it but they knew in their gut it wasn’t true. But they let her go, because it was all a part of growing up.
Things were ok, It was all books and learning and “what a smart girl you are Winifred, you’ll go far,” but then it got bad, and the whole world went away and instead another world took its place. That world was bad, for five years that was her hell, but then things got better. They Rescued Her, well more like He Rescued Her. Like a prince charming with a monster inside. Then things were ok again. She stayed up in her room and they didn’t know what to do, but she was still afraid, always afraid that it would be just a dream. They gave her tacos and coaxed her out of her room; Cordelia dressed her in long sundresses that sparkled, even though she said she felt naked in them. They never made her wear shoes, she liked that. They looked at her funny when she talked, but she got used to it. When she hid under tables and talked to plants they just looked away and pretended not to notice she was crazy. Wesley called her “the pretty wild girl” and she liked that, she pretended she was a tigress until she pounced on Cordelia accidently and she lost her temper and yelled. Mr. Angel glared at her and told her to be nice. Fred just sat on the ground and got real small and rocked, she knew what was coming. Now she had done it, she was going to be punished. not like the other place where it was “Off with her head” like Alice but something else bad. Then she peeked up over her arms where she was hiding and saw them all looking at her. “Fred honey your all right, Cordy didn’t mean to yell, and you’re safe”. That’s when she knew she wasn’t alone anymore. They promised she would never be alone again. All she could say was “Am I really here?
Momma and daddy came to get her, she didn’t want them to see her so she ran but they caught her .She cried and said sorry for getting so lost and she knew they were looking at her and thinking “that girl is broken, she can never be fixed”. But Gunn tried anyways, he took her out for pancakes and listened to her talk and smiled at her. Then the baby came. She liked the baby, so small and soft and it smelled good. She liked to hold him. They still watched her just to make sure she didn’t drop him. Wesley made the baby go away and people got mad. Then when the baby came back he was A Man like a prince charming but darker. He brought Her to the world and everyone loved Her, and every one was shiny happy perfect and they all lived happily ever after. But she lost the faith in Her and the shine in her eyes. Then her friends went away and said “Your bad Fred’ and tried to hurt her and she was alone again. She was always alone, always lost. They promised she would always be safe, that they would keep her safe and make sure she never went back to The Bad Place. They were liars.