illegal,immoral,impossible, just my style. (digitalmeowmix2) wrote,
illegal,immoral,impossible, just my style.

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Dominos come home

Hi sorry for not posting for so long, I most likely  wont post again after this for a long time.

 My cat Dominos is missing, he has been missing since Tuesday morning

I am terrified.

He is an indoor/outdoor cat , he is about 12 years old, he's strong and healthy.  He has his claws and all his shots

Dominos is my baby boy, my guy, my BFF(non human)  He is a black/white tuxedo cat with a white bandit mask , stocking feet and extra toes on his front paws

I am crying again already, I cant do this guys , I just cant , HE IS EVERYTHING TO ME , he is my world , my first friend, my connection to the world, as fucked up as that is.

 I know I never really talked about him here , which is weird because I always talk about him in real life, I was known school wide as "that freaky cat girl" because all I did was talk about him, as a condition of my Aspergers . 

I met him years ago when my best friend Ami  moved here,  a couple months after they got here,  her  youngest sister of two brought  home a cat from a friends house. She had not asked permission, they already had two cats. But she threw a fit so she got to keep him .
she was too young and immature and possibly ADD etc. to take care of him,  she rough housed with him and treated him  like a doll, about a week after he was brought home I found him on our porch.

I told him he had the wrong house and to go home, he stayed and I patted him. He showed up again and again. My dad is allergic, but my mom and I let him explore our house, first he was only allowed in the kitchen and the dining room, then my room,  by that time we had started feeding him.

 My neighbors were ok with this. They didnt really want him, the daughter got over it,  she had many other pets that she treated the same way, She was not trying to harm them , she was just oblivous. she has grown up since then  and learned her lesson ,she is now a calm, sweet ,smart girl  that is nice to animals.  Dominos meanwhile has full control of the house and sleeps alot of the time with me

 Because of his rough background he has PSTD, he freaks out for no reason and attacks me. he cannot be belly rubbed, does not like to be picked up  and does not like his neck rubbed. He can only be cuddled for a short time and does not trust strangers.

He has hurt me many times.....He also finds me where  ever I am  in the house  and sits with me and only me ,
has come when I called after my parents tried for hours  and on a recent trip to a vet I gave him my shirt to comfort him,

He stopped crying on the ride there and curled up in it and slept. ,

He use to hop up onto our gril outside our  kitchen window and peek inside as I was eating breakfest.  We called him our little Romeo on the balcony

 I know he loves me, I love him,

 He likes to wander around my neighborhood, he has and can stay out in bad weather, he has been trapped in the basement, up a tree, and left outside when  he shouldn't have been, he can survive well  and he does go away sometimes and comes back late.

He has not come back for a meal, this is what worries me
I have called him, over and over and over and over. I have looked  in the woods and in every  yard,  down the street where we have only seen him a few rare times. I have asked my neighbors and they will alert me if they see him . I haved called animal control and looked at the town shelter, I am making a lost poster.

If i only knew he was safe and not hurt or sick or trapped , this would still hurt just as fucking much but  I would not be as worried

I cant do this, I cannot function with out him , not after my life is already a fucking worthless mess.   I am depressed and cynical and angry all the time. I may  snap and go catatonic.

I am lazy, i have neglected my duties sometimes, his feeding schedule is bad, I yell at him sometimes,. I am a sometimes a bad mother to him ,

 I keep bursting into tears,  every time i look out a window I think I see him. I try to think of the last time I cuddled him, he left  the house on good terms, I always say "I love you good night, be safe "when i let him out ,but  I wonder, I miss his constant purring,  the way he folds his paws when he sits and sleeps..

 I prayed to God that if he gave him back, I would get a job, lose weight, go back to school, stop obsessing over the internet.

I am in shock, I'm calmer then I should be,I'm trying not to think about it, its out of my hands . but when ever I think of not having him its like a empty  hole in my future, I cant imagine it.

I may have to imagine it

Dominos I love you. I'm sorry if i upset you. please come home

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